Drie comedynummers, veelgedraaid op Caroline midden jaren zeventig. Het laatste nummer heb ik ooit met uitvoerende artiest en al op het net gevonden, maar het is nu zo goed als onvindbaar en ik heb geen notitie gemaakt in goed vertrouwen dat het vindbaar zou blijven. Wie weet of het terugkomt.
Tonight's star prize, Monty Python
In de plaatopname gaat de dolk ergens anders heen. Ik ga het niet vertellen.
Shirts, Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band
BALLAD OF THE ANCIENT BRITON
I woke up this evening, I was feeling blue, wasn’t all that surprising, I'm an ancient Briton, who takes pride in his appearance, I indulge in every new visage. I don't argue,
With the leaders of the druids, ‘cause even if they knowed, that I think I have to bear a far too heavy woad. When they send me to battle down by the Roman road, they don't argue, I don't argue, you don't argue with druids.
I got up and went outside, a stranger was about. It was a Roman in the gloaming’, and he gave an awful shout when I whipped off me fig leaf, and flashed myself about, he didn't argue.
I ain’t got a secret weapon, it’s there for all to see, and in my turquoise birthday suit, I’m blue from head to knee. When the village maidens see it, they invite me up for tea, I don’t argue.
Now Merlin was a plumber, but he had got on quite far. An honoury druid appointed by queen Boudica, He was devious and shifty, like used khasi dealers are, one didn't argue with Merlin.
When he heard about the Roman, he looked shifty and he hissed "The time has come to rid out land of the imperialist" He jumped about as if possessed, I think that he was pissed, I didn't argue.
He said "Now take this liquid, put it in their aqueduct. It's made from special mushrooms that I myself have plucked, Eeh when the Romans drink it, they'll be rightly screwed up" I didn't argue, I didn't think much of his poetry though.
Well, I was going through the forest. when whom should I see there, but a beautiful camp follower, a camping in the air. She said “Hello sailor, would you like to see me bare?” I didn't argue, I love animals.
Well being on a mission, I should have had more sense, but the sight of her proportions made me lower my defence, for I've heard with campers, the excitement is intense, I didn't argue.
As we lay down, a voice said "What’re you doing with my wife?” and I said "Just the usual", then a Roman stuck a knife halfway up me fundament, I shouted "Spare me life, and all" he didn't argue.
He said “You're for Londinium, where you will have to face, trial by cross section of the Roman populace, they'll be cross enough to crucify you in a market place, they don't argue in Londinium”
I was a manacled depressive, then I had an idea, I said “You must be weary soldier, have some British beer” and I pulled out Merlin's bottle, he said “Oh you are a dear” I didn't argue.
He took off my handcuffs, and we sat down on the grasses, and his bird pulled out a corkscrew and three plastic army glasses, and I said “Cheers, and strange how quickly one’s life passes” he didn’t argue.
He said “I'll drink to that, ‘cause I wish I was at home, or even on ‘le continent’ where all roads lead to Rome, but ‘till you lot join the market, I'm stuck in this battle zone” I didn't argue.
While we were sitting there and drinking, and it wasn't very late, when suddenly the ground turned pink and began to undulate, the Roman turned to me and said "was it something that we ate?” I didn’t argue, I couldn’t argue.
And suddenly I began to understood the true meaning of life and the nature of the universe, at last I understood.
Well, we thank you druid Merlin for your mushroom soup with weed in, Cause man, now I know where it’s at,
I'm through with tears, sweat and bleeding.
Me and the Roman's getting political asylum up in Sweden. They don't argue up there. Peace brother !